went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
