Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
