Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
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I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
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I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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