just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
