Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
