Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I will die if light touches me.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
