he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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