I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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