he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
