I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
