i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My pussy is not your playground.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
