We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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