In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
