i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
