If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
