Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
