News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
