I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
They took my balls.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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