I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just blew my weed a kiss
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
