So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
