the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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