I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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