I can text with my tongue
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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