dude i'm inner monologue high
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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