And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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