Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
