well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
