Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
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There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
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Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My butt remains clenched, sir.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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