happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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