Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
