awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
3pm strippers are depressing
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
