i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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