My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
