Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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