At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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