Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
