The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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