My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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