I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You're like the curious george of whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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