brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Randomize
