I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
there is puke in my bra ... again
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
