Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
