I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you traded sex for a burrito?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
tell me about the eggs
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