Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
