where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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