I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
