I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
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