you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
