a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
