And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
