Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
