They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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