she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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