Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
my poor anus
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
