My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
