I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
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Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
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I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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