when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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