I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
