i will never coherently bang her
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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