wat bout pragnant strippers??
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
