Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
just tell him i said nine months
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
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