I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
