she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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