cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
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If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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