I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
