I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
