Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
